Motherhood x2.

On August 30, I gave birth to a beautiful seven pound, two ounce little girl - making me a mother for the second time.  She weighed exactly the same amount as her big sister, had short little chubby legs, and a receding line of dark, straight hair.  With a slightly stronger favor to Mr. M's side of the family, she was still a perfect blend of the two of us.  She's got her momma's long piano-playing fingers and her daddy's temper when she's hungry.  Like her big sister, she's beautiful. 

Miss Em.

Having an almost three year old in the house, I've gotten used to a world full of sippy cups, dress up, and toddler rebellion.  Now, out of what seems like nowhere, my world has been saturated with bottles, early morning feedings, and teeny tiny poopy diapers -- on top of the sippy cups, dress up, and toddler rebellion.  I've forgotten what it's like to have a newborn around.  It's amazing how tired one eight-pound human can make you.  Although, Miss Em is a good eater and a pretty good sleeper, the kid still wears me out.  Between her and Miss G, I can't seem to synchronize a napping schedule, an awake time schedule, a feeding schedule, or any other kind of schedule for that matter -- hence the reason this is the first time I've posted in nearly two months.

I sit here now, in the dark, with just the glow of the TV, my laptop, and my thoughts.  It's quiet, other than the hum of the fan and the occasional mumble of the nearly muted television.  Miss Em is sleeping peacefully in her bassinet, while I can see Miss G on the baby monitor snuggled and snoozing away in her big girl bed.

Having another little human in our midst has been an adjustment.  Trying to balance house hold chores with one child was difficult enough ... but now, it takes double the effort.  I'm lucky to get basic things like dishes, trash, laundry, and dinner taken care of on most days.  I've also learned that things like brushing your teeth, washing your face, and applying deodorant quickly become luxuries rather than a part of daily personal hygiene.  But, you deal with it ... even if your deodorant doesn't go on until 2:00pm and your face doesn't get washed at all that day.

My little ladies.

I was also quickly made aware of the fact that there is no such thing as being in a rush when you have two children.  You can try to rush all you want, but chances are it will do you little to no good.  Between making sure everyone is fed, fussing over what the two-year-old will wear, packing a diaper bag, and dressing ourselves, it takes me and Mr. M a full two hours to get completely ready to go anywhere.  Thankfully, we've been no where that had a set appointment time very often other than church, and miraculously, we've made it there on time every Sunday.

Becoming a mommy this time was different than the first time around for sure.  The new mommy fears aren't there like they are with your first child.  You recognize what cry means what much sooner.  Breast feeding is easier.  You can change a diaper in your sleep if need be.  And you learn to take multitasking to an entirely different level ... I'm talking a baby in your arms, a toddler at your feet, the phone being held by your shoulder, and dinner being cooked -- all of this done with poise and grace, of course.  Ha! 

It's been a crazy eight weeks, but we're all settling in to our new life together quite nicely.  Sometimes I still can't believe I have one child, let alone two.  It feels surreal on some days.  Other days it just feels tiring.  But without a doubt, every day with my little ladies is a day I wouldn't trade for the world. 

Tuesday Tune: Five Days Old

Five Days Old

by The Laurie Berkner Band

Tuesday Tune: Losing

These words speak for themselves.  Take a minute -- listen, read, absorb.

"Losing"

Tenth Avenue North

I can't believe what she said

I can't believe what he did

Oh, don't they know it's wrong

Don't they know it's wrong.

Well maybe there's something I missed

But how could they treat me like this

It's wearing out my heart

The way they disregard

This is love or this is hate

We all have a choice to make.

Oh, Father won't You forgive them

They don't know what they've been doin'

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them

Cause I feel like the one losin'

Well it's only the dead that can live

But still I wrestle with this

To lose the pain that's mine

Seventy times seven times

Cause Lord it doesn't feel right

For me to turn a blind eye

Though I guess it's not that much

When I think of what You've done.

This is love or this is hate.

We gotta a choice to make

Oh Father, won't You forgive them

They don't know what they've been doin'

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them

Cause I feel like the one losin'

Why do we think that our hate's gonna break a hard heart?

We're rippin' arms over wars that don't need to be fought

Cause pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground

We build our bridges up but it's just to burn them down

We think our pain is own apologies and get them to stop

Well truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not

Cause freedom come when we surrender to the sound

Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down.

Oh Father, won't you forgive them

They don't know what they've been doin'

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them

Cause I feel like the one losin'

I feel like I've been losin'

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them

Cause I feel like the one losin'

April Showers Bring May Flowers ... and July Blog Posts.

My "May" flowers. 

Well, that's how the saying goes anyway ... sort of.  At least the April and May portion of it - the July was my own twist, although I started writing this in May.  Then I was determined to finish it in June.  And before I knew it ... it was July.  Oy.   Anyway, I know you've all heard the phrase "April showers bring May flowers" -- it's a pretty literal statement in that if it rains a lot in April, by the month of May the Earth should be in full bloom.  Right?  It does make sense, and in Florida we usually get our share of Spring showers followed by early Summer flowers.  But this past April gave me a new perspective on this classic rhyme.

April started like any other month, but I knew from the get go it was going to be busy.  Every weekend was booked.  There was Easter the first weekend, followed by Mr. M being on call the next weekend.  Then came the dreaded glucose tolerance test that every pregnant woman must endure - fasting sucks, especially at 7:00a.m. on a Saturday.  The following weekend was to be a wedding of a childhood friend, and we would end the month by taking a mini-vacation to The Florida Aquarium -- just Mr. M, Miss G, and yours truly.

My, how life changes things.

It was a Tuesday, and it had just been one of those days.  A day that just sucked.  It was April 17 to be exact ... not sure why I remember the date, I just do.  We had just put G down for the night and I was about to burn the last cell of my energy on showering before I completely collapsed.  But I heard Mr. M on the phone in the other room, so I waited to see who he was talking too.  It was his on-call week at work -- now that the weather has warmed up, his on call weeks are always busy with A/C's not working, or they're low on freon, something.  So, I figured if he had to leave for a call, I'd wait until he was gone before I showered, so I'd at least know what was going on.

He entered the bedroom.

"Do you have to go?" I asked.

"What?  No, that was your mom," he responded.

"Oh.  My mom?  Why'd she call you?"

With a look of seriousness he said, "Now just know that everything is alright, but..."  You almost always know when the word but proceeds the phrase 'everything is alright', that everything most likely isn't alright.  He continued, "...they took your Dad to the hospital with chest pains.  They're at the VA."

I'm not sure where the conversation went after that.  It's a blur.  I felt the hot tears hit my eyes, my cheeks, then the bedspread.  I reached for my phone to send out a text to all of my praying friends and family.  I don't even remember what I said.  I could barely see the keys through my tears, but I hit send and I know prayers went up immediately.

I think I sobbed for a good hour ... I just couldn't control it.  When I finally calmed down, I texted Nutmeg (my sister) to see if she had talked to Mom.  "About what?" was her response.  I knew by that response that my mom hadn't spoken to her.  I told Mr. M he had to call her, because I couldn't.  I'd be a wreck on the phone.  He did, and she had about the same response that I did.  Poor Mr. M -- the bearer of not-so-good news that night.

Fast forward.

After running tests, they found that Dad had blockage in three valves.  It wasn't major blockage and he hadn't suffered a heart attack, which was great news; but when it comes to your heart, blockage is blockage.  Eight days later, Dad had triple bypass surgery.

Bypass surgery seems to be a common procedure these days.  I know dozens of people who have had it and gone on to live long, healthy lives.  I knew from the time we got the news that my Dad would come through okay, but it's still different when it's your Dad and not Mr. Smith from church or your Great Aunt Lucille.  It's your Dad ... your Dad.  The very first man you ever fell in love with.  The one who made scraped knees and busted elbows all better with just a hug and kiss.  The one who gave you away at your wedding.  The one, who from the time you're a little kid, you expect to live forever.  Your Dad.  He was facing the reality of having open heart surgery and a long recovery, while I was dealing with the reality that he isn't as young as he used to be.  That he is mortal.  That he's not untouchable from the scars of sickness and disease.   

That ... is a really hard pill to swallow. 

Nutmeg & Dad.

The morning of, my sister and I arrived at the hospital at 5:30 a.m.  It was early.  We hung out with Dad until they took him back to pre-op -- where we were forbidden to enter.  After a short prayer, hugs & kisses, and everyone doing their best to hold it together, they took Dad back.  What was supposed to be about a four hour surgery, seemingly stretched into a lengthy nine hour operation.  We saw so many people come and go in the waiting room that day.  Family groups, lonely spouses, pastors, friends and loved ones.  The list goes on.  By the time Dad was out of surgery, we had spent over fifteen hours at the hospital, and I think all of us had grown to hate waiting rooms. 

Dad's surgery was on April 25.  Exactly a month later, after ample physical therapy, a week in rehab, a shock treatment, countless sleepless nights in uncomfortable hospital beds, and lots of prayer, Dad was discharged and homeward bound.  Praise God.  It was Memorial Day weekend.  We celebrated with a picnic in the country -- southern fried chicken, potato salad, baked beans and coleslaw. 

He's been home for almost two months now.  I see him about once a week -- he's getting back to normal slowly but surely.  God has been good to him ... to our family.  One day at a time, one prayer at a time.  Amen.

Tuesday Tune: He Said.

This is one of those songs that I heard over and over and over again ... it was just a melody.  I never paid attention to the words until one morning.  I was driving to work, and I heard, "...and I might let you bend, but I won't let you break..."  Whoa.  When you're having a morning where you're feeling completely overwhelmed (which tends to be the story of my life lately), hearing those words is like getting a big hug from a loved one.  It's comforting.  It's warmth.  It's peace of mind.  Ever since that morning, the message behind today's tune has been one that consistently rings in my ears. 

Happy Tuesday!

"He Said"

by Group 1 Crew

So your life feels like it don't make sense,

And you think to yourself 'I'm a good person'.

So why do things keep happening?

Why you gotta deal with them?

You may be knocked down now,

But don't forget what He said, He said.

I won't give you more, more then you can take

And I might let you bend, but I won't let you break

And no, I'll never ever let you go.

Don't you forget what He said.

Who you are ain't what you're going through

So don't let it get the best of you.

'Cause God knows everything you need,

So you ain't gotta worry.

You may be knocked down now,

But just believe what He said, He said.

I won't give you more, more then you can take,

And I might let you bend, but I won't let you break

And no, I'll never ever let you go.

Don't you forget what He said.

Don't fear when you go through the fire,

Hand on when it's down to the wire;

Stand tall, and remember what He said.

I won't give you more, more then you can take

And I might let you bend, but I won't let you break...

I won't give you more, more then you can take

And I might let you bend, but I won't let you break

And no, I'll never ever let you go.

Don't you forget what He said.

Tuesday Tune: Nu Thang.

For this week's Tuesday Tune, we're taking it back to 1990.  I actually woke up this morning and as I was scrolling Twitter's home page, I saw where someone had written "God is doing a new thing".  My mind instantly took me to the below song, and it's been stuck in my head ever since.  I remember this song like it was yesterday.

Amazing how far these guys have come since they first started.  I'm still a huge fan of all of DC Talk's music, but have probably morphed into an even bigger fan of TobyMac.  Matter of fact, I think he'll be a Tuesday Tune next week.  Until then, feast your ears on this one.

"Nu Thang"

by DC Talk

Tuesday Tune: God Gave Me You.

I rarely write anything alongside my Tuesday Tunes.  The songs I usually choose speak for themselves - some have deep meanings; while others are just nice melodies that I've grown to love.   Today's is different. 

"God Gave Me You" holds a special place in my heart.  This past Thursday, June 1, marked one year since Mr. M and I came to our senses and reconciled.  If you read my post, From The Pit to The Palace, from back in January, you'll know what I'm talking about.  The lyrics to this song remind me of where our marriage was, where it came from, and where it's going.  Every time I hear today's tune, I reminisce; I get a little emotional; and I thank God that Mr. M and I are still married, still working on things, and still loving each other.  

 

God Gave Me You

by Dave Barnes

I've been a walking heartache

I've made a mess of me.

The person that I've been lately,

Ain't who I wanna be.

But you stay here right beside me

Watch as the storm goes through

And I need you.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt.

For when I think I've lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you.

There's more here than what we're seeing

A divine conspiracy.

That you, an angel, lovely,

Could somehow fall for me.

You'll always be love's great martyr

I'll be the flattered fool

And I need you.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt.

For when I think I've lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you.

On my own, I'm only half of what I could be

I can't do it without you.

We are stitched together, and what love has tethered,

I could never undo.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt.

For when I think I've lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you.