Learning to Trust.

"Trust me!"

We hear that phrase a lot - on the television, from politicians, even from friends and family.  Sometimes it's in regard to trivial things like trying new foods, "Dude, trust me - you're gonna love it!"  Or perhaps when recommending a movie that we've just watched and loved, "It's the best movie ever!!  Trust me!"  And then sometimes it's a more serious situation when a loved one is asking you to trust them in a huge decision making process, or they could be encouraging you, during a hardship, to trust and believe that everything is going to be okay.  Regardless of the situation, trust is a big deal. 

This past Sunday, our pastor did a sermon all about trust.  The verse he lead his message with was Proverbs 3:5-6.  It's a verse that follows me, and I've found comfort in time after time.  This past Sunday was no different. 

Post-holidays, I had a case of the blues.  I get them every year.  This year has seemingly been worse, and I'm not sure why.  As I sat there in the sanctuary and listened to the pastor's words, I felt encouraged.  I left church that Sunday on a high to embark on the rest of the week.  That high was quickly deflated as the reality of heading back to work and leaving my baby girl alone hit me in the face on Tuesday morning.  I kept hearing that verse in my head though, and was trying to have a good attitude despite my frustration and inner self-pity.  Wednesday would be better - it has to be better.  Wrong.  Wednesday was the worst.  Fighting back tears and feeling ridiculously depressed was how I spent the hours of 8:00 to 4:30.  The afternoon dragged along.  When the whistle finally blew, I was out of there.

The evening turned out to be not so bad.  I got news of something that I had been hoping for - news that I will share with you at a later date.  I had dinner ready when Mr. M got home from work, and Miss G was in a pleasant and playful mood.  It was a sour day gone sweet.  When I finally crawled into bed, the disappointments of the day were still in the back of my mind.  I knew that if I let them, they could very easily send me into another stressful tizzy of worry.   So, I shut them out, and fell asleep.

Six AM, and my alarm sounds.  Ugh!  Another day away from child is all I could think.  I could feel the stress, discouragement, depression welling up inside.  I turned on the Weather Channel - thirty degrees.  What am I gonna wear?  I grabbed my cell phone and headed into the bathroom.  I'm flipping through the one hundred plus messages in my inbox, looking for it.  Ah-ha!   I found it ... my daily Bible verse that I start every morning with.  I couldn't believe it, it was that verse again.   Proverbs 3:5-6.  "Alright, God...I get it.  I get it." 

It's amazing to me how many times in my life, I've so willingly trusted another human being yet I lay in bed at night worrying over things that I just can't give to the Lord.  Why?  I don't know.  But it's definitely my biggest flaw.  Trust is learned.  I've become very aware of that in the last two years as I watch G grow.  She has had to learn to trust me and Mr. M as her parents.  Pediatricians and child-rearing books are adamant about practicing trust-building exercises with young children.  We did many of these with G, and continue to do them.  Some are of the physical and others emotional.  Either way, they build trust and strength amongst the three of us.  When she was learning to walk, she knew we weren't going to let her fall.  And if she stumbled, she knows we'd catch her.  If she falls down, we help her up. 

Every time we get in the car, G takes off her shoes - it's a given.  When we arrive to our destination, we unbuckle her, grab her shoes, and then place G on the roof of the car to put them back on her feet.  We never leave her unattended, or take a hand off of her.  Just the other day, Mr. M sat G on the roof as he put on her shoes.  He stood directly in front of her, his hand on her the entire time.  "Don't fall!  Don't fall!" she repeated as she often does when she gets nervous sitting or standing in a higher-than-normal place.  "You're not gonna fall, I gotcha.  Trust me!" he said. 

Although, I've seen this occurrence take place time and time again, something clicked this time.  How often do we find ourselves on a roof top, no shoes, pleading, "Don't fall!  Don't fall!", only to find that our Father has His hand on us the entire time?  We might panic, we might cry, we might throw a fit.  But if we take time to listen, we'll hear Him say, "You're not gonna fall, I gotcha.  Trust me!" 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Choosing to Love.

Yesterday was Sunday...and in our household, Sunday's are about faith and family.  It's church service in the morning, followed by lunch, and then if we're lucky, relaxation.  We had an unusually busy Saturday this weekend.  I was supposed to participate in our local Breast Cancer Walk, but woke up feeling utterly exhausted and gross.  After making the executive decision to stay home with my daughter and husband, the guilt set in.  I went so far as to asking God for forgiveness for bailing out on my team.  Forgiveness for what, I still don't know...failing to participate in a community walk isn't a sin, but somehow uttering that tiny prayer made me feel a little less guilty.

G is in the green.  Her new buddy is on the right.

Later on Saturday, we visited some good friends of ours who we've been trying to get together with for months...maybe longer than months.  Actually, the last time we saw each other was when my daughter was a newborn - she'll be two this January.  So yeah, it's been awhile.  They were having a get together at their church - it was on a farm out in the country.  It was beautiful.  Our daughters played until they were completely pooped.  Following the farm, M (my husband) and I, along with our munchkin had dinner plans with Grandmom and Poppie - those are my parents.  So, off we go, for another socializing affair.  It was a great time though.  Nothing goes together better than food and family.  By the time we had finished up dinner, it was close to 8:30 and we had an hour drive back home.  Little G hadn't had her daily nap, and had been fussy earlier that evening.  I was dreading the 50 mile drive home with a tired, whiny baby.  Surprisingly, with a tummy full of homemade macaroni and cheese, G fell asleep in less then 10 minutes.  My husband and I were most thankful for the quiet drive home.

And now, we're up to Sunday morning.  Got up, made waffles and eggs, and I tried to compile a grocery list over breakfast.  It didn't happen.  I mentioned to M about possibly skipping church, but then I knew how much G loves her Sunday school class.  So, in a rush to get out the door on time, I did a quick inventory of the pantry, shoved my ingredients' list for lasagna into my purse, and we were soon on our way.  We pulled into church with 3 minutes to spare.  Found our usual seat, and I got comfortable waiting for the service to start.  Praise and worship began, but I was distracted.  Everything was on my mind, except what should have been.  I was aggravated that I hadn't completed my grocery list.  I wondered what my next blog topic would be - what do people really want to read?  I was annoyed that there is constantly an endless amount of laundry strewn across my bedroom floor.  I was stressed over the thought of trying to stay within our weekly grocery budget.  I kept thinking about wanting to be a homeowner soon, and how scary that reality is - can we afford that right now?  There I was, in that sanctuary, with all these crazy things going through my mind, and all the while going through the motions of praise.  Then the music pastor said something to this effect, "Imagine if we lived out our faith in a way that we truly impacted our immediate social circle.  Think of how different our community would be...how different Florida would be....how different our country would be."  That got my attention.

Christian faith is all about love.  We choose to love - although some might argue with that.  When we are angry with them, we choose to love our spouses, our children, our siblings, our parents, our best friends, even strangers.  Some people are undoubtedly easier to love than others, but showing love to most anyone is a choice.  After hearing the pastor's words, and flipping through pictures taken this weekend, I came across the pic I posted earlier.  I thought back to Saturday, and watching those two little girls, who had never met, interact with one another in such a loving manner.  There is so much we can learn from children...so much about life, about one another, about loving each other.  Looking at the photo reminds me of the more important things in life - not grocery lists, bills, blogs, or mortgage payments - but family, faith and love.

Life Lessons 12 - 19.

12.  There is not a cleaner, detergent, or deoderizer that will remove the smell of cat piss.

13.  Tootsie Rolls mask garlic breath.  Don't judge, just try it next time you eat something oober garlicy.

14.  When you have a good idea....write it down.

15.  The terrible twos really are terrible.

16.  Smile.

17.  Always take the time to hug your children.

18.  Everyone's an unintentional hypocrite in some aspect...including you....and me.

19.  Be passionate.

....to be continued.