Seasons.

I've wanted to write about "seasons" since the first of the year, but something kept telling me to wait.  Now I know why, and you'll know why too, as you continue to read.  I'm not talking about the seasons of the year as in Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall ... but more so, the seasons of life. 

There's an old song by The Byrds that goes, "To everything (turn, turn, turn), There is a season (turn, turn, turn), And a time for every purpose under Heaven..."  You'll now have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the afternoon - no joke.  And for those of you who don't realize it, the lyrics to that song are actually straight from the pages of the Bible.  In the book of Ecclesiastes it reads, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..." Ecc 3:1.  It's one of my favorite verses.  When I graduated from high school, I wrote and delivered a speech based on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.  I wish I could find that speech.  Hmmm ....

Life is full of seasons - career moves, trends, romantic relationships, friendships, hobbies, living arrangements - it's all seasonal.  Some seasons are good, and some are bad.  Some are ugly, some beautiful.  There are some we want to remember forever, and others of which we'd chose to wipe our memories clean given the chance.  Each of us is going through a season right now.  With the new year still fresh in our minds, many of us choose to reflect on life ... the seasons it brings ... the season of which we find ourselves now ... and what the next season has in store for us. 

Last week was rough for me - Thursday in particular.  It started like any other Thursday, but before it was over I had a complete meltdown in front of my supervisor.  She could tell I hadn't been myself since Christmas vacation had been over.  She asked what was going on, and I completely burst into tears.  Bless her heart - I don't think she was expecting that.  Being the woman she is, she gave me words of encouragement, and was as understanding as she always is. 

What was with my explosion of emotion?  It's all about how hard I find it to be in one place, when my heart is somewhere else.  To have had to get up every morning for the past two years, and leave the love of my life at home or with a nanny.   To sit in an office for eight hours, while someone else cares for the child that I carried in my womb for nine months, and who I spent twenty six hours in labor with, and who I love more than life itself.  And I pray, and I pray, and I pray ... to the point where I think my prayers almost sound like begging.  God must seriously get sick of me.  But there you have it - that's where my meltdown came from.  My heart is yearning to be home, but I guess it's not time yet.  It's been weighing so heavily on me lately, and I finally just broke down.

That night, I told Mr. M what had happened.  He reminded me I will be home eventually - maybe sooner than I think - but God has me where He wants me right now.  I'm right where I'm supposed to be.  I reluctantly agreed, because I knew he was right. 

Fast forward to Sunday.  In Learning to Trust, I spoke briefly on the series our pastor is doing about trusting.  The series continues, and this past week as the pastor delivered his message, God spoke through him and directly to me.  He said,

"You can look at who you are and get a sense of who God has called you to be .... God knew what He was doing.  God knows what He's made us for.  Sometimes you'll look at the seasons in your life.  Ya know, God may put a dream in your heart, and then say, 'Not now.' ... And so sometimes, God's season for you may be later on down the line.  You can tell God's will for your life sometimes by just looking at the season of life you're in." 

When I heard those words, I was like "Alright, Lord - thank you.  Thank you."  It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord speaks so clearly when we need it the most.  

I'm hoping my stay-at-home-mom season is right around the corner...I know it's where I'm supposed to be.  Until then, I will face my current season with courage and commitment, and trust that the right doors will open at the right time.  Having faith in God is having faith in His timing too.  

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. 

~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8